I’m itching for a crowd
For ecstasy to melt into my ears
Bodies pressed upon bodies
Numb the pain
You’re lost. You’re beyond the cost of wanting to be found. You continue to drift and float in this everlasting abyss.
Is so tangible, I can still feel your lips against mine.
And my walls are paper thin
I wanna let you color me in” —
I’m afraid of what I feel for you
& I can’t stop it from happening
So I’ll let you go
Before it ends in disaster
So I’ll run away
Before we’re hurt again
I don’t like you.
I’m too sensitive to anxiety and depression for you to be fucking with my emotions.
Fake happiness: not cool, dude.
I think this is the beginning of something good
Yet I’m afraid of what will become of it.
Will you tire of me? Will feelings fade?
Is this nothing but a temporary comfort?
But even these questions
Do nothing to purge me of the desire I feel
For you my blood boils
My mind hazed
I feel nothing but your essence
Even miles upon miles away
Day after day
I recall every dip of your abdomen and chest
The broadness of your shoulders
The hardness of your back
And in these moments
I no longer care
Of insecurities that linger there
As much as the past haunts me,
I’m slowly coming to terms with it.
I was at rock bottom, & I thought..
‘It could only get better from here, right?’
And surely, it has.